Creeper Shopping

Holiday Creepers: Why Beyoncé, Cardi B & Adele Have the Right Idea

Happy Holiday’s everyone!

Labor day, Yom Kippur, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos, Veterans day, Thanksgiving and Black Friday have all passed and we are now in the home stretch.  I hope everyone has enjoyed themselves, their loved ones and the fact that calories don’t count between September 5th – February 1st (Dr. Oz said so, don’t Google it).  I also hope everyone was successful in avoiding holiday creepers, those random strangers that try to ruin your holiday joy with their mere presence and make you wish The Purge was real.

 

Food for Thought

I, too, have enjoyed the multitude of festivities so far, especially Thanksgiving.  What a marvelous day, if you look past it’s origin story of theft, rape, pillaging and intentional genocide by pretentious, self-entitled European immigrants Eating food, drinking drinks, sharing laughs and counting down to Christmas (which we all say we’re not doing, but secretly are); that’s the American way.

                                     

 

However, Thanksgiving doesn’t come without misgivings.

 

May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

I hate, Hate, HATE shopping for Thanksgiving supplies.  With a burning passion deep down in my soul.  Going grocery shopping is already laborious, but the weeks leading up to Turkey Day make it soul crushing.  It’s like a mix of Lord of the Flies, Hunger Games and Real Housewives of Atlanta.  Only the strong survive, and the weak leave down trodden and empty handed.

Parking Lot Pimping

You can not claim spots from across the lot!  I don’t care if you “saw it first”, you did not get here first and standing outside my window does NOT intimidate me.  It’s times like this I’m glad I’m 6 feet tall and drive a Nissan Versa (yes, I fit).  I surprise people when I unfold from my car and stand, wearing my best “try me if you want to” face.  That’s right, say ‘whatever’ and walk away, little man.

Gauntlet of Aisles

Everyone is pushing, shoving, standing over, and bending under people.  With no regards to anyone else’s personal space.  I can count, on half a hand, the number of times I hear “please” “thank you” “excuse me” or “sorry”.  C’mon people, we all watched Barney.  That giant, creepy, purple dinosaur taught us all the same manners.  I feel people are intentionally rude due to Christmastide being just around the corner.  They’re trying to cram in as much dick-wad-ness as possible, before they’re scrutinized for it during the rest of the year.

Road to Perdition

Lastly, the checkout stands, or as I like to call them, Satan’s Gates.  I truly feel the line to Hell closely resembles the checkout stands at Walmart.  500 people in line, three lanes open, one of them is for 15 items or less, all but two of the self-checkout’s are broken and they only take cash.  (WHO HAS CASH?!)  It’s a shit show and a cluster fuck all-in-one.  A cluster shit, if you will.

 

Keep Your Paws to Yourself

Over the years I’ve learned to circumvent most of the mess.  For instance, I categorize my shopping list by store layout.  I go shopping earlier in the day, often when the store opens.  I, also, purchase my supplies throughout the month, instead of all in one day.  This year I took Gideon with me.  I’ve shopped with him quite often and it’s never as arduous as people say shopping with kids is.  Maybe it’s because he can’t move or ask for anything, yet.  I would take him with me even if he could talk and reach.  I work 40+ hours a week and relish every moment of mommy/son time I get.

However, I was not prepared for people TOUCHING MY SON.  Yes, creepers of all variety’s consistently invaded my and Gideon’s space.  Putting their dirty, influenza infested fingers on his head, hands and feet, or getting close to him and breathing their invisible airborne pathogens in his face.  I’m usually carrying him in his baby carrier, so If I see it coming I can block it.  Unfortunately, there have been a few sneak attacks I wasn’t ready for.

 

Example Uno

Creeper Man: “Oh, look at his hands! Those are some big mitts”

Me: “Uhh, thanks? *pulling my son’s hands out of Creeper Man’s grasp*

Creeper Man: “He’s going to be a giant!”

Me: *Uncomfortable laugh as I walk away*

 

I’m baffled in these moments and don’t know what to say.  It makes no sense to me how people don’t understand it’s disrespectful and weird to touch someone, anyone, without permission and it’s doubly so when it’s a child that can’t give consent.  I always tell myself that next time, I’m cussing the person out and/or “putting them paws on em”, as Lil’ Scrappy so famously said.   Then it happens again, and I’m at a loss (not lost, *pet peeve*) for words.

 

Example Dos

Fashionable Black Grandma: “What a handsome little man” *shaking my son’s left foot*

Me: “Thank you” *slowly backing up, effectively pulling Gideon’s foot from her grasp*

FBG: “He’s going to be a heart breaker” *following in step trying to grab his other foot*

Me: “Have a good day” *Accompanied by uncomfortable laugh as I walk away*

 

Damn it!  I thought of the perfect response, after the fact.  Does that ever happen to you?

 

Queen Bey, Cardi B & Adele-y

We received our first glimpse of the ever precocious Blue Ivy Carter over a month after she graced this earth.  We didn’t see the twins, Sir and Rumi, for over a year.  The first picture of Adele’s son, Angelo, was an unofficial paparazzi photo taken at 8 months and we have yet to see Kulture Kiari Cephus.  Though I am no celebrity, as a mom I now fully understand why celebrities keep a low profile when it comes to their children.  Here you have these beautiful, helpless little people that fill your whole world and turn your thug heart to mush.  You want to protect them from every conceivable threat you can think of: heartbreak, ear infections, hiccups, bad grades.  This includes well meaning, poor judgment having space invaders.

 

New Mom, Who’s This?

I’m a person that doesn’t like to make a scene or cause a ruckus.  Well, I’m going to have to get over that.  It’s my responsibility to protect my son, and if that means getting loud, cursing someone out and being uncomfortable with everyone in the store looking at me like I’m the “angry black woman” then so be it.  No more Mrs. Passive-Aggressive Mom.  Next time I go shopping, this holiday season or anytime during the year, I’ll have my paws out, claws extended.  As they say (they being The Read), if you stay ready you don’t have to get ready.

69 thoughts on “Holiday Creepers: Why Beyoncé, Cardi B & Adele Have the Right Idea

  1. Hi, i think that i noticed you visited my blog so i got here to return the choose?.I’m attempting to in finding issues to enhance my
    site!I assume its adequate to use some of your ideas!!

  2. Do you have a spam issue on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I
    was wanting to know your situation; we have created some nice procedures and
    we are looking to trade techniques with others, please shoot
    me an e-mail if interested.

  3. This is the right web site for anybody who wants to find out about this topic.
    You realize so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I personally would
    want to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject which has been written about for years.
    Excellent stuff, just wonderful!

  4. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish.

    nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you wish be
    delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more
    formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

  5. When I originally commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I
    get four emails with the same comment. Is there a means you can remove me
    from that service? Appreciate it!

  6. Good site! I truly love how it is easy on my eyes and the data are well written. I’m wondering how I might be notified whenever a new post has been made. I’ve subscribed to your RSS feed which must do the trick! Have a great day!

  7. I think that everything posted made a ton of sense.

    But, consider this, suppose you added a little content?

    I ain’t suggesting your content isn’t solid., but suppose you added
    something that grabbed people’s attention? I mean Holiday Creepers: Why Beyoncé,
    Cardi B & Adele Have the Right Idea is kinda plain. You might
    glance at Yahoo’s home page and note how they write news titles
    to grab viewers interested. You might add a video or a pic
    or two to grab readers interested about what you’ve written. In my opinion, it would make your blog a
    little livelier.

  8. Admiring the time and energy you put into your website
    and in depth information you offer. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed material.

    Wonderful read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  9. You are so cool! I do not believe I’ve read through anything like this before.
    So nice to discover another person with a few genuine thoughts on this subject.
    Really.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is one thing
    that is required on the web, someone with a
    little originality!

  10. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to
    your weblog? My website is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my
    visitors would really benefit from some of the information you provide here.
    Please let me know if this alright with you. Many thanks!

  11. I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or weblog posts
    on this sort of area . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this web site.
    Studying this info So i’m glad to express that I have an incredibly just
    right uncanny feeling I found out just what I needed. I most indisputably will make certain to do not omit this web
    site and give it a glance on a continuing basis.

  12. Hey are using WordPress for your blog platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up
    my own. Do you need any coding knowledge to make your
    own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  13. I’ve been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or weblog posts on this sort of house .

    Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this web site.
    Reading this information So i’m glad to show that I have an incredibly just right uncanny
    feeling I came upon exactly what I needed. I such a lot for sure will
    make sure to don?t put out of your mind this web site and provides it a look on a relentless basis.

  14. I wanted to thank you for this good read!! I certainly
    enjoyed every little bit of it. I have got you book marked to check
    out new stuff you post…

  15. I don’t even understand how I finished up here, but I assumed this publish used to be great.

    I do not know who you might be but definitely you are going to a famous blogger in the event you are
    not already. Cheers! pof natalielise

  16. Its such as you read my mind! You appear to understand a lot
    approximately this, such as you wrote the e book in it or something.
    I feel that you simply can do with some percent to pressure
    the message house a bit, however other than that, this is great blog.
    A great read. I will definitely be back. plenty of fish natalielise

  17. Hello! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
    My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to fix this problem.

    If you have any suggestions, please share.

    Thanks!

  18. I have been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or weblog posts in this kind of
    house . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this web site.

    Studying this info So i’m happy to express that I have an incredibly excellent
    uncanny feeling I discovered exactly what I needed.
    I so much no doubt will make certain to do not overlook
    this web site and provides it a look on a constant basis.

  19. Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to
    your weblog? My blog is in the very same area of interest as yours and my visitors
    would genuinely benefit from some of the information you provide here.
    Please let me know if this okay with you. Thank you!

  20. Excellent beat ! I wish to apprentice even as you amend your site, how can i
    subscribe for a weblog site? The account aided me a
    acceptable deal. I have been a little bit familiar of this your broadcast provided vibrant transparent concept

  21. Heya! I know this is somewhat off-topic but I needed to ask.
    Does operating a well-established blog like yours require a lot of work?
    I am brand new to writing a blog however I do write
    in my diary every day. I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my own experience and feelings online.
    Please let me know if you have any kind of recommendations or tips for brand new aspiring bloggers.
    Appreciate it!

  22. *An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  23. Hey there, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your website in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet
    Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted
    to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, amazing blog!

  24. This design is incredible! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start
    my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job.
    I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how
    you presented it. Too cool!

  25. Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo
    News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
    Appreciate it

  26. I’ve been surfing online more than 4 hours today,
    yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters and bloggers made good
    content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.

  27. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this website before but after browsing through a few of the posts I realized it’s new to me.

    Regardless, I’m definitely pleased I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and
    checking back regularly!

  28. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I
    get in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment and even I fulfillment
    you get right of entry to consistently fast.

  29. It is actually a great and helpful piece of info.

    I’m glad that you just shared this useful info with us.
    Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

  30. whoah this weblog is fantastic i really like studying your articles.
    Stay up the good work! You understand, a lot of people are looking
    around for this information, you could help them greatly.

Leave a Reply